- Are you a man moving into, going through, or coming out of a divorce?
- Has your future suddenly gone cloudy or disappeared completely?
- Do you feel like you’re lost in a fog?
- Are you looking for support, specifically from a man’s perspective?
- Do you want an objective and trustworthy sounding board?
- Do you want some peace in the midst of all the emotion and drama?
I know how you feel. I've been there.
Things had started going south during my second year of marriage. Moving into the third year, it picked up speed. By June that year, Wife(1) and I were seeing a marriage counselor. It was like a roller-coaster. New Year's eve was an amazing night; we called our counselor giddy with delight. A month later, she moved out.But that was not the end of the ride.
We started "dating." (Talk about weird--dating your wife!) For a while, I thought we could actually work it out. That lasted a few months until the wheels came completely off.
But it was still not over.
We went back and forth over "the paperwork" and "the details" for nearly another year. It was torture. It felt like I was completely out of control and overly emotional. I couldn't stop thinking about her or what was happening. My social network dried up and my existing friends and family weren't sure (for the most part) how to help. I was shocked at how taboo the subject seemed even though divorce is so prominent. I was feeling all alone and lonely at the same time.
I thought, "Am I going crazy!?"
You're Not Crazy, You're Normal
What I didn't realize at the time was, I was not crazy; I was reacting how every normal human being should react.
You probably are, too.
You see, when you're under such personal distress and you're at the receiving end of constant emotional (and possibly physical) attacks, your brain and body go into a fight or flight mode. You're brain literally thinks you're fighting for survival. You shift to old habitual ways of thinking and reacting. You're on auto-pilot. While these habitual thoughts and behaviors may have served you in the past, chances are they are not very helpful in your current situation.
You might feel as if there is no other option, as if this is the best you can do, this is just the way it is. You're probably finding it difficult to locate resources and support dedicated solely to your situation. When my first wife left me and our marriage moved toward -- and ultimately ended in -- divorce, I was shocked at the lack of resources dedicated to me as a man. Sure, there are plenty of resources for parents and women but very few specifically for men. I guess men are supposed to just suck it up and tough it out, right? Wrong!
Fortunately, there is another option, a better way, a process created from real-life experience (not a textbook or theory) to help you move through your situation more quickly and with more ease.
What is this better way?
When I looked back at how I went through, what I call The Fog of Divorce™, I realized there were seven steps that were the key to surviving -- along with one big "secret."
The Seven Steps are:
- Private Time - Mourning Has Broken
- Ground Support - Finding Objective Personal Supporters
- Air Support - The Value of Using a Professional
- Friendly Fire - Grieving the Death of Your Marriage and Starting the Healing Process
- Take Inventory - Your Attributes, Skills, Talents, Gifts, Achievements, Contributions, . . .
- Familiar Ground - Get Off the Couch and Out of the House
- Roll Out - Create and Take action Toward Your NewLifeGoals™
As each man's experience is different, The Seven Steps not meant as a prescription or cure-all, they're more like a healthy buffet. Take what you need right now and come back for more when you're ready.
By applying The Seven Steps, you will regain your footing, create focus, become centered, establish more balance, gain objective support, find a place of peace, and even begin to move forward through the fog despite all the craziness.
Going through a divorce is not like anything else you will ever experience. This process is not therapy or counseling. It is based on experience. That's why it can work for you.
How Do I Know It Will Work?
We all experience loss at some time in our lives. I've experienced many losses -- breaking my neck at 15, the sudden deaths of close friends in college, my cousin's murder, my father's losing "battle" with ALS -- but none of these prepared me for the disintegration of my marriage. Dealing with my divorce was the hardest thing I ever had to do. There were simply no credible resources dedicated to men.
As a divorce coach for men, I help men survive what is considered the second most stressful life event (source The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory). I do it in a confidential manner using methods based on a track record of experience and practicality -- not theory. I'm not a counselor or a therapist (though I've been to both). I'm a coach. There's a big difference!
I decided to use the experience of my divorce along with my coaching expertise and become the resource I couldn't find. The result for you -- Divorce Coaching 4 Men: Survive the Fog of Divorce™.
What Do I Do Now?
If you're a man (or you know a man) currently moving into, going through, or experiencing challenges in the aftermath of a divorce who is looking for support, community, resources, help, etc., you have a few choices:
- Contact me -- at no charge -- to talk about your struggles, challenges, problems: 516.216.4233 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
- Subscribe to my quarterly newsletter
- Schedule a complimentary consultation: 516.216.4233 or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
- Join my Facebook and/or LinkedIn Group
I made it through The Fog. You can, too. I'll coach you through it.
Sincerely,
Paul K. McGinniss, ACC RCC SBL® MSHR
Divorce Coaching 4 Men: Survive the Fog of Divorce™
O: 516.216.4233 | F: 516.216.4367
Founder, Divorce Coaching 4 Men
Principal, Response-Able Consulting
President, Long Island Coaching Alliance, an ICF Chapter
ICF Associate Certified Coach (ACC)
Results Certified Coach (RCC)
Certified Strategic Business Leadership® Coach (SBL)
