Are you moving into, going through, or coming out of a divorce?
Has your future suddenly gone cloudy or disappeared completely?
Are you looking for support from a man’s perspective?
Do you want an objective and trustworthy sounding board?
Do you feel like you’re lost in a fog?
I know how you feel. I've been there.
It was torture. It felt like I was completely out of control at times and overly emotional. I couldn't stop thinking about "her" or what she was doing or who she might be with. My social network dried up and my existing friends and family weren't sure (for the most part) how to help. I was feeling all alone and lonely at the same time. I was shocked at how taboo the subject seemed even though divorce is so prominent.
I thought, "Am I going crazy!?"
What I didn't realize at the time was, I was not crazy; I was reacting how every normal human being reacts. You probably are, too.
You're not crazy, you're human.
You see, when you're under such personal distress and you're at the receiving end of constant emotional (and possibly physical) attacks, your brain and body go into a "fight or flight" mode. You're brain literally thinks you're fighting for survival. You shift to powerfully hardwired habitual ways of thinking and reacting. You're on auto-pilot. While these habitual thoughts and behaviors may have served you in the past, chances are they are not very helpful to manage the fog of divorce.
You might feel as if there is no other option, as if this is the best you can do, this is just the way it is. You're probably finding it difficult to locate resources and support dedicated solely to your situation. When my first wife left me and our marriage moved toward -- and ultimately ended in -- divorce, I was shocked at the lack of resources dedicated to me as a man. Sure, there are plenty of resources for parents and women but very few specifically for men. I guess men are supposed to just suck it up and tough it out, right? Wrong!
Fortunately, there is another option, a better way, a process created from real-life experience (not a textbook or theory) to help you move through your situation more quickly and with more ease.
What is the better way?
When I looked back at how I went through, what I call The Fog of Divorce™, I realized there were seven steps that were the key to surviving -- along with one big "secret."
The Seven Steps:
Private Time - Mourning Has Broken
Ground Support - Finding Objective Personal Supporters
Air Support - The Value of Using a Professional
Friendly Fire - Grieving the Death of Your Marriage and Starting the Healing Process
Take Inventory - Your Attributes, Skills, Talents, Gifts, Achievements, Contributions, . . .
Familiar Ground - Get Off the Couch and Out of the House
Roll Out - Create and Take action Toward Your NewLifeGoals™
As each man's experience is different, The Seven Steps are not meant as a prescription or cure-all, they're a process for moving out of the fog.
By applying The Seven Steps, you will regain your footing, create focus, become centered, establish more balance, gain objective support, find a place of peace, and even begin to move forward through the fog despite all of the "craziness."
Going through a divorce is not like anything else you will ever experience. This process is not therapy or counseling. It is based on experience. That's why it can work for you.
How Do I Know It Will Work?
We all experience loss at some time in our lives. I've experienced many losses -- breaking my neck at 15, the sudden deaths of close friends in college, my cousin's murder, my father's losing "battle" with ALS -- but none of these prepared me for the disintegration of my marriage. Dealing with my divorce was the hardest thing I ever had to do. There were simply few if any resources dedicated solely to a man's experience going through divorce.
As a divorce coach for men, I help men survive what is considered the second most stressful life event (source The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory). I do it in a confidential manner using methods based on a track record of experience and practicality -- not theory. I'm not a counselor or a therapist (though I've been to both). I'm a coach. There's a big difference.
I decided to use the experience of my divorce along with my coaching expertise and become the resource I couldn't find. The result for you -- Divorce Coaching 4 Men: Survive the Fog of Divorce™.
What Do I Do Now?
If you're a man (or you know a man) currently moving into, going through, or experiencing challenges in the aftermath of a divorce who is looking for support, community, resources, help, etc., you have a few choices:
- Follow me on Twitter
- Read my Blog
- Join my Facebook and/or LinkedIn Group
I made it through The Fog. You can, too. I'll coach you through it.
Paul K. McGinniss, PCC RPCC SBL® MSHR
Divorce Coaching 4 Men: Survive the Fog of Divorce™
Long Island, NY
Founder, Divorce Coaching for Men LLC
Founder, Response-Able Consulting LLC
Past President, Long Island Coaching Alliance-an ICF Chapter (President 2008, 2009)
ICF Professional Certified Coach (PCC)
Results Professional Certified Coach (RPCC)
Certified Strategic Business Leadership (SBL®) Coach